“Sixty years ago we would be trying to kill each other instead of volunteering together.”
My roommate at the orphanage in Honduras was named Niko and he was from Germany. The first night I moved in with him I wanted to clear the air. “Alright, Niko” I said, “Let’s lay out the stereotypes about Americans and Germans. He, perhaps too enthusiastically, started to share. “Compared to the rest of the world, Americans are loud. You talk loud, you laugh loud, you act loud. You are selfish, you love big cars and homes, and everyone knows a movie star, especially you Californians.” I couldn’t say he was wrong, generally speaking. A TV star owned a house a few hundred yards down the road from me. And many of you have heard me laugh.
Next it was my turn. “Germans are uptight, efficient to the point of being a nuisance, love your beer, and are generally level-headed.” He acknowledged that I was mostly right (he is not uptight at all!). Over time we shared everything about our lives and became brothers. I even took on some German culture in the process.Our friendship grew. One evening after a long day with the children, Niko and I fell exhausted into our respective beds. It was the summer, tropical of course, and the heat and humidity kept us from sleeping. Knowing conversation would pass the time I said, “Hey Niko.” “Yeah,” he replied. “It is weird to think that sixty years ago we would be trying to kill each other instead of volunteering together.” “I know. Our grandfathers probably shot at each other.”
But I wasn’t quite done. “So Nico, how did you learn about history? I mean, what do German kids learn in school about the World Wars, the genocide of the Jews, about Hitler?”
“Ryan,” Nico noted with a gentleness and humility in his voice, “We learn from the moment we are very small that Germany made a grave mistake. We also believe that is the responsibility of the German people to ensure that something like that never happens again.”
I will never forget how much I loved Niko in that moment and how inherently just and right his answer. And I have been honored to know many Germans in my work and travels all of whom I think of as family.
We are all broken, but we all belong. The only way to create a better self and a better world is for all of us to admit our mistakes, learn, and try again. I wonder how things would have been different had America admitted it’s mistakes.
Below is a photo I found taken on the Eastern Front at the end of WWII. There are various stories about this photo, and I am not sure which is true, but I like to imagine myself on the left and Niko on the right. Niko always liked kittens.
Ryan Alaniz, PhD 