Dear Santi,
I wanted to share a few thoughts with you about radical belonging. Although it might not all make sense now (you were eleven at the time of this writing), I know that through the wild and adventurous life you will find your truths.
First, relationship is everything. Every religion and faith come back to this same principle. Life is about building and maintaining healthy relationships with others.
Second, a healthy relationship is one where you feel like you belong—a place where you feel safe, valued, loved, accepted, and empowered. It is a place you can rest.
Third, it must be reciprocal. You can not only take from the relationship, you must also give in equal measure.
Fourth, some people will not want to belong to you and yours. Differences of opinion, perspective, maturity, or ability may hinder your connection. That is ok, but always leave the door open so they may enter later.
Fifth, maintaining boundaries around unhealthy people may be necessary. But do not make the walls too high or too rigid.
Sixth, do not choose work or fun over relationships. These provide momentary benefit; your family and friends will be the consistent joy in your life.
Seventh, give more to those in your life than you think you can. You will never regret being generous.
Eighth, seek ways to uplift those around you. Life is hard; your smile, hug, card, or email can change a life (maybe your own).
Ninth, your truth is important but hold nothing sacrosanct, including these lessons. Let those you love and trust guide you to becoming a better human being.
Tenth, true joy comes in service to others. When you share of yourself, others feel a sense of belonging.
Eleventh, you will figure out the rest in your own time. Be open, be patient, and trust.
I love you son,
Dad
Ryan Alaniz, PhD 